All too often, the busy-ness of life and the stress that goes along with it, can reduce us to feeling like victims, if we let it. There will always be someone or something else to blame e.g. never enough time; never enough money; too much pressure from the job/boss; the unsympathetic partner/child/parent; the mortgage/rent/debt/tax; the economic system: the government; God…..fill in the blank. The question is though: Who do you want in charge of your life?
BLAMING CREATES VICTIMS
The problem with blame, even if it’s justified, is that it creates a sense of powerlessness in the person doing the blaming, which perpetuates the very same feelings of being victimized. Not a lot can change from maintaining this position. If you want to break this feedback cycle of blame and victimization, it is necessary to regain your sense of power and what YOU can control.
TAKING BACK CONTROL
Taking back control of your life and therefore becoming the master of your stress, involves reconnecting with your emotional and physical body, that is, what you feel and sense. The result of stress is that it disconnects you from yourself, and that’s why you feel powerless….you are emotionally, chemically, physically and literally “under the influence” of stress.
To use the analogy of alcohol, being under the influence of stress is a bit like being drunk, when you are drunk…you cannot simply decide to be sober. Stress is a chemical effect within your body, and to reduce it requires you to take some measures to alter the adrenaline and cortisol release that is activated by the stressor. More on tips to reduce the immediate effects of cortisol and adrenaline, and changing the fundamental pattern of stress a bit later on.
POSITIVE STRESS AND NEGATIVE STRESS
I want to qualify that we all require a certain amount of stress to function in a healthy way, for example – gravity is stress, but it does not create a negative experience of existence. Too much pressure can create muscle tension/aches; anxiety; irritability; digestive issues; sleeplessness; fluctuations in mood; and depression; however too little stress/activity can also result in the very same symptoms.
When seeking to regain control to become the master of your stress, it’s helpful to understand this spectrum and get to know your own optimal threshold of stress and your “happy place” within the spectrum. It’s also important to understand that this optimal threshold is not set in stone, and changes, under the various external influences that life may throw at you as well as the internal influences such as your cellular health. Stages of life can also have an effect on the spectrum of stress tolerance and what you used to be able to tolerate when you were younger can differ when you are older.
WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS
Why is it that at the very same time we are having financial pressures, we also have a tiff with our partner or child, a friend having a difficult time calls us for urgent support, a relative passes away, it’s raining and there a leak in our roof that needs fixing, the cat gets in a fight and needs to be taken to the vet, the shop attendant is rude, and when someone cuts us off in traffic….. it’s then that we scream blue murder, or dissolve into uncontrollable swearing or sobbing. Often its the little things that set us off, and although it may SEEM that everything is happening all at once, we have forgotten that stress is cumulative, and stress may have been building up for weeks, months, years, or even a lifetime.
TAKE STOCK
By the time you have accumulated a bundle of rage, grief, guilt, and fear, that results in physical, chemical and emotional stress, you may not be able to identify all of the individual contributing factors…instead, its like a faceless monster, that you can’t quite define, that robs you of your sleep and your inner peace and leaves you with dread.
It is helpful to take stock and logically assess the length of time the current stress has been going on for. Then look at what stressors may have been occurring before that, and then again before that….so that you have an accurate overview of everything that you’ve had to contend with that may be contributing to your state of stress. The purpose of taking stock is actually to gain some perspective that facilitates you to understand why you are reacting the way you are, and to be kinder to yourself, and give yourself a break.
If in the process of taking stock, you become aware of unresolved traumas that may have occurred in your life that are still affecting you, this is where its important to seek external support from a counselor or psychotherapist. Historical trauma creates invisible stress that needs to be processed and until it is, any changes that you try to make to regain control and become the master of your stress, will be undermined by the root cause.
IMMEDIATE STRESS REDUCTION TECHNIQUES
BREATHE SLOWLY
When you are under the influence of adrenaline, which gets released through your entire system in moments of stress, your breathing becomes shallow. As your breathing becomes shallow, you reduce the flow of oxygen to your brain, your peripheral muscles contract creating tension, your digestive system stops functioning optimally as the blood is drawn towards the heart.
To reverse this effect of adrenaline: Slowly inhale for 7 seconds and slowly exhale for 7 seconds, repeat this for 5-20 minutes.
This pattern of breathing will activate the parasympathetic nervous system response which calms your heart-rate, allows increased blood and oxygen flow to your brain, assists in relaxing your muscles, and lets the digestive system function normally.
HUG SOMEONE
Hugging stimulates a release of oxytocin which reduces blood pressure as well as the stress hormones: norepinephrine and cortisol. Try hugging for 20 seconds (it seems like a long time, but this length of time has shown to decrease these hormones involved in the stress response), and I’m not talking about a stiff as a board, non engaging hug; I’m talking about a full, firm, body contact hug where you can really relax with your exhalation. Preferably hug someone that you trust and are close to.
TAPPING
E.F.T. (Emotional Freedom Technique) is a fast and incredibly effective technique for reducing stress by tapping on the acupuncture points which releases physical and emotional energy that gets stored in the electromagnetic field. A really helpful resource which teaches this technique is https://www.thetappingsolution.com
WALK
Take a 15 minute walking break, it releases endorphins which are the body’s natural happy drugs as well as lowering your blood pressure and it also reduces anxiety. Just breathing in fresh air, assists with deeper respiration helping to activate a parasympathetic state. Walking also helps to loosen up muscles that have tightened up from the adrenal response and it also helps with processing of the emotions and gaining mental clarity.
RUN
If you are literally trembling with adrenaline, running or intense aerobic exercise will burn up the adrenaline and help you to feel calmer.
TAKE A BATH WITH EPSOM SALTS
Epsom salts is magnesium sulphate which is a natural muscle relaxant. Using essential oils such as a few drops of lavender in the bathwater can also assist with calming of the mind and the inhalation process helps to deepen the breathing to again activate the parasympathetic state.
TAKE RESCUE REMEDY
Rescue remedy is a homeopathic Bach flower remedy that contains five flower essences to alleviate terror, panic, irritation and impatience, combat inattentiveness, ease shock, and calm irrational thoughts. It can be taken as drops, a spray or digestible pastilles.
LONGER TERM STRESS REDUCTION METHODS
MEDITATION
Both Transcendental Meditation (TM) as well as Mindfulness-based-stress-reduction techniques have shown to reduce cortisol levels up to 30%
EXERCISE
Cardiovascular exercise is a vital part of maintaining good health but aerobic exercise specifically, is great for burning up adrenaline, and it also reduces cortisol levels. Regular aerobic exercise for 20-30 minutes will do the trick.
MASSAGE
Regular massage has also shown to reduce cortisol levels as well as increasing oxytocin, one of our good feeling hormones.
SUPPLEMENTATION
Taking an adrenal support in the form of a supplement can reduce an overactive adrenal system that has become fatigued. Various herbs with adaptogenic properties for helping you to be more resilient to the effects of stress include: Rhodiola rosea; Wythania somnifera – also known as Ashwagandha root extract; Ginseng; Tulsi – also known as holy basil; Astragalis root; and Licorise root. Your local health food shop should be able to supply you with the above.
FOOD TO REDUCE ANXIETY INCLUDE:
- Brazil Nuts – high in selenium necessary for a balanced mood
- Fatty fish – high in omega 3 which is important for cognitive function; and vitamin D which is also important for mood
- Eggs – contain tryptophan, an amino acid that creates serotonin (a good feeling hormone); and vitamin D again for balancing the mood
- Pumpkin seeds – high in potassium which reduces anxiety; high in zinc, essential for the part of the brain involved in regulating emotions
- Bananas – high in potassium which reduces anxiety
- Dark chocolate – high in tryptophan for creating serotonin; magnesium which is a muscle relaxant
- Tumeric – the active ingredient curcumin reduces inflammation causing anxiety
A DEEPER FUNDAMENTAL CAUSE THAT CREATES STRESS
APPEASING OTHERS
Always trying to please everybody else, often results in saying yes when you really want to say no. If you are feeling at the beckon call of everybody around you, chances are that you have trained them to call on you by always being available, and dropping everything to meet their needs. Its admirable to be helpful and reliable but not when it comes to your own demise.
When people are used to you always saying yes, they begin to expect it, and so there can be a great deal of resistance from them if you suddenly decide to say no. The unseen pressure that you may feel as a result of other peoples expectations of you, can lead to feelings of resentment towards them and towards yourself for allowing yourself to be taken for granted in the first place.
Feeling resentment is fine if it leads you to identify the root cause and make the necessary changes to transform your situation, but resentment left for too long, can fester and cause further anxiety and ill health. The pathway forward towards health, is to learn to say no despite the potential kickback from others, thereby dissolving any resentment you may have directed towards yourself or them, and also to retrain the people around you, thereby releasing yourself from their expectations.
It will most likely not feel natural for you to say no if you are in a habitual pattern of people pleasing, in fact it will probably feel utterly wrong, which may result in feelings of guilt. Still, the pathway forward towards health is to say no anyway.
DIGGING EVEN DEEPER
The even deeper question asks: “Why do you feel the need to appease everybody?” or rephrased “What are you gaining by appeasing everybody?”
The answer may be along the lines of: To feel accepted, To feel liked, To feel loved, To feel valued, To feel respected, To feel important, To feel needed, To feel worthy, and whatever the answer may be for you…it indicates the honest truth about what you feel you are lacking in the first place (which by the way….you are NOT lacking, but if you believe that you are, it will feel like a very real deficit for you).
So when you’ve identified the causal root of what you feel is your personal deficit, that then causes you to say yes to everyone and everything around you, that then causes you to put yourself under enormous pressure, that then causes the very stress that makes you feel like a victim… you have found the way out of the pattern of stress, all that needs to be done is to reverse the pattern….easier said than done if you’ve spent a lifetime constructing it.
Finding your way back home to yourself again is the next stage in this complex journey of un-ravelling. If you feel this pertains to you, it may be helpful to find someone to assist you in navigating your way through this process, such as a life coach, spiritual mentor or intuitive healer. After all is done, true healing is the realization that there was never anything to heal in the first place.
Wishing you insight, courage, strength, freedom and peace
Written by Chrissy Diamond