Although Christmas is a time to express joy, generosity and love with the people that we care about, our family and friends; it’s also a time that can magnify sadness, lack and loss. In this world of dualities, when the Spirit of togetherness and belonging are so strong, the polar opposite of loneliness and isolation can also occur.
It can be tough being confronted with disappointment and grief at the time of year that is loaded with expectations to feel differently. Remembering loved ones who have passed on; broken relationships; let downs from friends; hardships and struggles in our current situation; can all invoke feelings that somehow seem taboo during this time of celebration.
HELP ON GETTING THROUGH IT
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS
Acknowledging how you feel reduces your internal resistance and helps you to process and eventually transform and release your difficult emotions.
Your feelings don’t disappear just because you ignore them and suppressing them only creates more internal pressure within your mind and body that eventually just wants OUT!
According to Alex Korb, https://alexkorbphd.com/ IUCLA Neuroscience researcher who wrote: The Upward Spiral; the act of being able to label your emotions actually reduces their effect on your brain.
Korb cites an MRI study, titled “Putting Feelings into Words” where participants viewed pictures of people with emotional facial expressions. Predictably, each participant’s amygdala activated to the emotions in the picture. But when they were asked to name the emotion, the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex activated and reduced the emotional amygdala reactivity.” So by actively labeling the emotions, the emotional impact on participants was reduced.
So, seek to find some words to describe the emotion that you’re feeling e.g. anger, grief, despair, disappointment, guilt, regret….and just the act of labeling your emotions reduces your reaction to them.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO REALLY FEEL IT
Let yourself really sink into the feeling that you are experiencing in your body. Where do you feel it in your body the most? Does it have a specific sensation, temperature, texture or even colour attached to it? Now…let yourself really feel it without resistance. What we resist persists, so the key to getting through it is not resisting it, but to really feel it.
If you want to cry, let yourself cry; if it feels like a deep black hole inside you, just let yourself sink into it and just sit in that feeling for a few minutes. If it feels like a hot ball of rage, there is usually grief and sadness underneath it….sink into that. If you are afraid, sink into the fear.
The act of experiencing your emotions will not kill you…. but trying to avoid what you’re feeling can lead to behaviours that can have a detrimental effect on your physical, emotional and psychological health. Feeling your emotions is an act of befriending them and through befriending them, we can find our way through them.
TRANSFORMING YOUR EMOTIONS
One extremely effective way of transforming difficult emotions is through E.F.T. (Emotional Freedom Technique). This technique involves tapping on certain acupuncture points which actually releases the physical, mental and emotional charge that can be felt within the body.
Without needing to re-invent the wheel, let me direct you to a demonstration of the technique that I use both in my clinical practice as well as with myself. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCF5ihzEexpCOluB2AA9oh2Q
So, after labeling your emotions, befriending them and transforming the felt sense within your body by using the tapping technique, you can then redirect your focus towards cultivating gratitude.
CULTIVATING GRATITUDE
Gratitude literally makes us feel better because it activates the region of the brain stem that produces dopamine and dopamine makes us feel good. Another positive effect of gratitude is that it boosts the production of serotonin, which enhances our mood during daylight hours.
So you can positively alter your biochemistry by asking yourself this important question: what are you grateful for? The asking of the question is the important part because remembering things to be grateful for, stimulates the efficacy of neurons in the pre-frontal cortex of the brain, as Korb also explains.
Expressing gratitude within your relationships also creates a positive social effect that can enhance the happiness of the individuals within the relationship. Everyone likes being appreciated, it’s that simple! So expressing thanks to your deserved loved ones is beneficial for all involved.
SEEK SOLACE THOUGH OTHERS STORIES
Part of the struggle with experiencing painful emotions is that we can feel quite alone in our suffering. Hearing or reading stories of how others have gotten through their own internal struggles can help us realise that we’re not alone in ours and this can help reduce our overwhelm.
One book that beautifully articulates overcoming these internal struggles is “Healing through the Dark Emotions” by Miriam Greenspan. https://miriamgreenspan.com/
FIND THE GOLD WITHIN
Finally, allow your painful emotions to cause you to become so unsatisfied with them and the life experience that they produce, that you learn to transcend them, not by avoiding them but instead by going through them. Like the alchemist, who turns lead into gold, find the gold within your experience.
Buried within my most painful life experiences, I have always discovered a greater truth that has led to deeper understanding and an illumination of the Spirit of Life within me, and if you’re struggling with your own difficult emotions, I wish the same for you.
In Love and Recognition of the regenerative Spirit of Life within YOU.
Wishing you inner Peace this Christmas!
Written by Chrissy Diamond