Dealing With Disappointment At Christmas
Dealing with disappointment at Christmas can be tough! Christmas is a time to express joy, generosity and love with the people that we care about, our family and friends. Yet it’s also a time that can magnify sadness, lack and loss. When the Spirit of togetherness and belonging are so strong, the polar opposite of loneliness and isolation can also occur.
It’s difficult to feel disappointment and grief at the time of year that is loaded with expectations to feel differently. Remembering loved ones who have passed; broken relationships; let downs from family or friends can be painful. These memories can invoke feelings that somehow seem taboo during this time of celebration.
DEALING WITH DISAPPOINTMENT AT CHRISTMAS
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS
Acknowledging your feelings reduces internal resistance and helps you to process and eventually transform and release your difficult emotions.
Your feelings don’t disappear just because you ignore them. Suppressing emotions only creates more internal pressure within your mind and body that eventually just wants OUT!
According to Neuroscience researcher Alex Korb, the act of being able to label your emotions actually reduces their effect on your brain.
Korb cites an MRI study, titled “Putting Feelings into Words” where participants viewed pictures of people with emotional facial expressions. Each participant’s amygdala mimicked the same emotions present in the picture. When they were asked to name the emotion, their prefrontal cortex was activated, reducing the emotional reactivity of the brain. By actively labelling the emotions, the emotional impact on participants was reduced
Seek to find some words to describe the emotion that you’re feeling e.g. anger, grief, despair, disappointment, guilt, regret. The mere act of labelling your emotions reduces your reaction to them.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO REALLY FEEL IT
Let yourself really sink into the feeling that you are experiencing in your body. Where do you feel it in your body the most? Does it have a specific sensation, temperature, texture or even colour attached to it? Now, let yourself really feel it without resistance. What we resist persists, so the key to getting through it is to really feel it.
If you want to cry, let yourself cry. Maybe it feels like a deep black hole inside you, just let yourself sink into that feeling for a few minutes. Perhaps it feels like a hot ball of rage, there is usually grief and sadness underneath it….sink into that. When you are afraid, sink into the fear.
The act of experiencing your emotions will not kill you. However, trying to avoid what you’re feeling can perpetuate behaviours that can have a detrimental effect on your overall health. Feeling your emotions is an act of befriending them that helps us find our way through them.
TRANSFORMING YOUR EMOTIONS
One extremely effective way of transforming difficult emotions is through E.F.T. (Emotional Freedom Technique). This technique involves tapping on acupuncture points which releases the physical, mental and emotional charge felt within the body.
Here is a demonstration of the technique that I use both in professionally and personally.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCF5ihzEexpCOluB2AA9oh2Q
By labelling your emotions and transforming them using the tapping technique, you can then redirect your focus towards cultivating gratitude.
CULTIVATING GRATITUDE
Gratitude literally makes us feel better because it activates the region of the brain stem that produces dopamine and dopamine makes us feel good. Another positive effect of gratitude is that it boosts the production of serotonin, which enhances our mood during daylight hours.
You can positively alter your biochemistry by asking yourself this important question: what are you grateful for? The asking of the question is the important part because remembering things to be grateful for stimulates the efficacy of neurons in the pre-frontal cortex of the brain, as Korb also explains.
Expressing gratitude within your relationships also creates a positive social effect that can enhance the happiness of the individuals within the relationship. Everyone likes being appreciated, it’s that simple! So expressing thanks to your deserved loved ones is beneficial for all involved.
SEEK SOLACE THOUGH OTHERS STORIES
Part of the struggle with experiencing painful emotions is that we can feel quite alone in our suffering. Hearing or reading stories of how others have gotten through their own internal struggles can help us realise that we’re not alone in ours and this can help reduce our overwhelm.
One book that beautifully articulates overcoming these internal struggles is “Healing through the Dark Emotions” by Miriam Greenspan. https://miriamgreenspan.com/
FIND THE GOLD WITHIN
Finally, allow your painful emotions to cause you to become so unsatisfied with them and the life experience that they produce so that you learn to transcend them. This is not achieved by avoiding them but by going through them. Like the alchemist, who turns lead into gold, find the gold within your experience.
Buried within my most painful life experiences, I have always discovered a greater truth. This truth has led to deeper understanding and an illumination of the Spirit of Life within me, If you’re struggling with your own difficult emotions, I wish the same for you.
In Love and Recognition of the regenerative Spirit of Life within YOU.
Wishing you inner Peace this Christmas!
Written by Chrissy Diamond
Holistic Alignment offers a variety of treatments to suit your unique needs. Our Practitioners Chrissy Diamond and Lorelei Messersmith will be happy to discuss any questions you may have regarding your treatment to assist in putting you at ease. Contact Chrissy to book your first Holistic Alignment.