The ‘How To’ of Letting it Go

I’ve recently noticed a theme with my clients of people taking on other peoples energy as if it were their own. In doing so they create yet another layer of stress for themselves. How often have you caught yourself being consumed by other’s concerns, battles, or injustices as if happening to you?

There is an old adage, “A problem shared is a problem halved”. Although this can be true of the person sharing, the one supporting can doesn’t help by taking the burden themselves.

In a culture of emerging mental health awareness there’s been a long overdue acknowledgement of the reality of the experience. This has created a positive cultural shift of supporting those in need. It is therefore vital to learn to support others without taking on, ‘their stuff” and potentially derailing ourselves.

TURN UP THE VOLUME ON YOUR SELF AWARENESS

To let go of other peoples’ stuff, you must learn the difference between what is yours and what is theirs. This involves turning up the volume on your own level of self awareness.

Becoming self aware is like learning several languages at once; physical, mental, emotional and energetic. Each aspect has subtle nuances of sensation and experience. When you are able to perceive through all of your senses simultaneously, this is your current baseline of awareness. To discern what you feel in your body, mind, emotions and energy field at any given time; is to illuminate your awareness of yourself.

Then, if your baseline equilibrium changes, either physically, mentally, emotionally, or energetically, you can notice when and how it happened. You can then take measures to re-balance and find your centre again. Yet that’s only dealing with yourself….how do you tell the difference between what’s yours and what’s theirs?

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT’S YOURS AND THEIRS

An analogy I like to use to explain how to discern between what’s yours and what’s theirs, is that of hanging a coat on a hook. If you hang a coat on the door and there is no hook, the coat will fall to the floor. The same occurs if someone tries to ‘hang’ something on you and you don’t have an internal hook. If you aren’t triggered by another, e.g. you don’t feel charged in your response or reaction…. it’s not yours.

I need to explain here that it doesn’t mean that you are un-empathic or do not feel anything at all. The subtle difference between feeling what’s theirs and what’s yours, is the level of potency and charge that is felt. For example: when feeling someone else’s stuff, it’s like watching a movie that makes you feel sad. You feel the sadness on a certain level, but its not as intense as when you’re experiencing your own grief. When feeling your own stuff, the feeling is more personal to you and has a much greater potency and charge.

When it comes to feeling others’ stuff, the ‘other’ may be: your partner, family member, friend, stranger, colleague or boss. The “other’ can also be a cultural group, e.g. your entire family, company, city, country or the earth herself.

SELF HONESTY AND OWNING WHAT’S YOURS

Self-honesty is paramount when it comes to discerning between what belongs to someone else and what belongs to you. If what is going on for someone else triggers you to feel charged up, its yours as well. It could be a memory, an idea, a principle or value, disappointment, sadness, embarrassment or humiliation, or a shameful event. In order to regain your peace and equilibrium, it’s necessary for you to own it and process it.

It’s important here not to blame how or what you feel on someone else. If you feel it with potency, even if someone else triggered it, it still belongs to you. Gaining the support of a talking therapist of body practitioner may be beneficial to assist you in processing the trigger.

ROLE PLAYING

Sometimes, taking on or carrying the stuff of the ‘other’ can be the result of a role that you’ve been cast in. You may have continued to play this role throughout your life. Such roles could be: rescuer, carer, organiser, the responsible one, the reliable one, the strong one, the capable one. There may also have been a certain pay off for you in playing this role. For example: gaining confidence, control, love, being liked, feeling useful, special, strong or even feeling superior. The question to ask yourself is: “Does this role serve you now?” and if so “In what way?”.

If you are experiencing the adverse effects of carrying other peoples’ stuff, and you want to change this, it may be necessary to evaluate the role that you have played and give yourself permission to resign from that historical role and take up a position that’s better suited to what you would prefer to experience now.

ENABLING OTHERS

Your intention may be positive in taking the load off others in order to help them, but in doing so, could you be enabling their reliance on you? When you enable other people, by carrying their load for them, you can unintentionally rob them of the inner power and authority that they will gain in the process of learning to be responsible for themselves. You may even resent them for not taking responsibility for themselves and never really see that you could potentially be contributing to the problem by carrying more than your share.

A PERSONAL NOTE

Growing up as a highly sensitive being with an over-developed empathic nature meant that I could feel Everything and Everyone around me like listening to, and experiencing life, with the volume at MAX. I used to find this incredibly overwhelming and anxiety producing as I unconsciously thought that what I was feeling was all mine, and somehow my fault, my karma or whatever my young mind perceived to by my own personal burden. When I first encountered my kinesthetic ability to sense the ailments of ‘others’ within my own body, it totally freaked me out but it did give me my first reference of ‘mine’ and ‘theirs’.

After years of development and understanding of both the interconnectedness and simultaneous separateness between myself and others, I attained a sense of freedom. This freedom came from being able to understand that what I was feeling was simply not all mine, it was a huge relief that dissolved both my personal overwhelm and anxiety, guilt and overdeveloped sense of responsibility for everyone and everything.

So the pure awareness that NOT everything I was feeling was mine alone, allowed me to disconnect from the unconscious pressure of continuously carrying all that weight and instead to give myself permission to be able to pick it up and put it down.

From personal experience, I understand it can be upsetting and frustrating to be unaware of the stress of carrying others’ stuff building up until we are flattened by its weight. It can make us feel very disconnected with ourselves and it can be unnerving and make us question “whats the point” especially if we’re consciously motivated from a positive intention to help others. If anything, let it be yet another of ‘life’s’ encouraging ways of getting you to pay attention to yourself.

FINDING THE WAY THROUGH

As discussed, finding the way through involves learning to understand how we uniquely experience our body, mind, emotions and energy field allows us to have an internal barometer as a measure for when we’re starting to wobble and get out of balance.

Resigning from our old historical roles that no longer serve us and intentionally changing this habitual nature by allowing others to carry their own weight and gain their own sense of resilience and inner authority, is incredibly liberating in itself. Then discerning between our own felt experience and that of others is yet another level of subtle re-positioning of ourselves that allows us to navigate through life in a far more deliberate, satisfying and unburdened way.

LIVING WITHIN DUALITY

Living as a human being on earth succumbs us to an existence of experiencing dualities: day/night, dark/light, gravity/weightlessness, bad/good, joy/sorrow, love/fear, them/us…..yet from the quantum perspective, we are all energetically connected and without separation.

So, in terms of quantum energy, there is no ‘them’ to speak of, and everything is all ‘us’. Therefore in the end, whether what we experience is ours or theirs….given that on some level we’re all interconnected and reflect one another, then what is theirs is also ours and our power to effect the world around us lies in how we respond to whatever and whoever it is that we encounter. The art of life as I am continually learning to understand it, is in balancing our separateness and uniqueness with our simultaneous interconnectedness and finding the joy in both.

All the best in finding yours

Written by: Chrissy Diamond

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All too often, the busy-ness and stress of life can reduce us to feeling like victims. For those that don’t feel in control of their own lives they will always find someone or something to blame. For example: never enough – time or money; support from the job/boss; the partner/child/parent; economic system: government; God…..fill in the blank. The question is though: who do you want in charge of your life?

BLAMING CREATES VICTIMS

The problem with blame, even if it’s justified, is that it creates a sense of powerlessness in the person blaming. This perpetuates the very same feelings of being victimised. Not a lot can change from maintaining this position. If you want to break this cycle, it is necessary to regain your sense of what YOU can control.

TAKING BACK CONTROL

Taking back control of your life involves reconnecting with what you feel and sense in your emotionally and physically. The result of stress is that it disconnects you from yourself, and that’s why you feel powerless. In this state, you are emotionally, chemically, physically and literally “under the influence” of stress.

To use the analogy of alcohol, being under the influence of stress is a bit like being drunk. When you are drunk…you cannot simply decide to be sober. Stress is a biochemical effect within your body, reducing it requires you to take some measures to reduce the stressor. Once the stressor has been reduced, this decreases the adrenaline and cortisol producing the stress response. More on tips to reduce the immediate effects of cortisol and adrenaline a bit later on.

POSITIVE STRESS AND NEGATIVE STRESS

I want to qualify that we all require a certain amount of stress to function in a healthy way. For example – gravity is stress, but it does not create a negative experience of existence. Too much pressure can create muscle tension/aches; pain; anxiety; irritability; digestive issues; sleeplessness; fluctuations in mood; and depression. However too little stress/activity can also result in the very same symptoms.

When seeking to master your stress levels, it’s helpful to understand this spectrum and determine your own optimal threshold. It’s also important to understand that this optimal level constantly changes for the individual. External influences that life presents as well as the internal influences such as cellular health are ever changing. Stages of life can also have an effect on the spectrum of stress tolerance. What you used to be able to tolerate when you were younger can differ when you are older.

WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS

Picture this scenario: At the same time we’re experiencing financial pressures, we also have an argument with our partner. A close friend calls us for urgent support at the same time a relative passes away. It’s raining and there’s a leak in our roof that needs fixing. The same day the cat gets in a fight and needs to be taken to the vet. The shop attendant is rude, and we snap and become unreasonably upset. It wasn’t really the shop attendant’s fault, it was everything that preceded it.

Although it may SEEM that everything is happening all at once, we have forgotten that stress is cumulative. That stress may have been building up for weeks, months, years, or even a lifetime.

TAKE STOCK

By the time you have accumulated a bundle of rage, grief, guilt, and fear, that results in physical, chemical and emotional stress, you may not be able to identify all of the individual contributing factors…instead, its like a faceless monster, that you can’t quite define, that robs you of your sleep and your inner peace and leaves you with dread.

It is helpful to take stock and logically assess the length of time the current stress has been going on for. Then look at what stressors may have been occurring before that, and then again before that….so that you have an accurate overview of everything that you’ve had to contend with that may be contributing to your state of stress. The purpose of taking stock is actually to gain some perspective that facilitates you to understand why you are reacting the way you are, and to be kinder to yourself, and give yourself a break.

If in the process of taking stock, you become aware of unresolved traumas that may have occurred in your life that are still affecting you, this is where its important to seek external support from a counselor or psychotherapist. Historical trauma creates invisible stress that needs to be processed and until it is, any changes that you try to make to regain control and become the master of your stress, will be undermined by the root cause.

IMMEDIATE STRESS REDUCTION TECHNIQUES

BREATHE SLOWLY

When you are under the influence of adrenaline, which gets released through your entire system in moments of stress, your breathing becomes shallow. As your breathing becomes shallow, you reduce the flow of oxygen to your brain, your peripheral muscles contract creating tension, your digestive system stops functioning optimally as the blood is drawn towards the heart.

To reverse this effect of adrenaline: Slowly inhale for 7 seconds and slowly exhale for 7 seconds, repeat this for 5-20 minutes.

This pattern of breathing will activate the parasympathetic nervous system response which calms your heart-rate, allows increased blood and oxygen flow to your brain, assists in relaxing your muscles, and lets the digestive system function normally.

HUG SOMEONE

Hugging stimulates a release of oxytocin which reduces blood pressure as well as the stress hormones: norepinephrine and cortisol. Try hugging for 20 seconds (it seems like a long time, but this length of time has shown to decrease these hormones involved in the stress response), and I’m not talking about a stiff as a board, non engaging hug; I’m talking about a full, firm, body contact hug where you can really relax with your exhalation. Preferably hug someone that you trust and are close to.

TAPPING

E.F.T. (Emotional Freedom Technique) is a fast and incredibly effective technique for reducing stress by tapping on the acupuncture points which releases physical and emotional energy that gets stored in the electromagnetic field. A really helpful resource which teaches this technique is https://www.thetappingsolution.com

WALK

Take a 15 minute walking break, it releases endorphins which are the body’s natural happy drugs as well as lowering your blood pressure and it also reduces anxiety. Just breathing in fresh air, assists with deeper respiration helping to activate a parasympathetic state. Walking also helps to loosen up muscles that have tightened up from the adrenal response and it also helps with processing of the emotions and gaining mental clarity.

RUN

If you are literally trembling with adrenaline, running or intense aerobic exercise will burn up the adrenaline and help you to feel calmer.

TAKE A BATH WITH EPSOM SALTS

Epsom salts is magnesium sulphate which is a natural muscle relaxant. Using essential oils such as a few drops of lavender in the bathwater can also assist with calming of the mind and the inhalation process helps to deepen the breathing to again activate the parasympathetic state.

TAKE RESCUE REMEDY

Rescue remedy is a homeopathic Bach flower remedy that contains five flower essences to alleviate terror, panic, irritation and impatience, combat inattentiveness, ease shock, and calm irrational thoughts. It can be taken as drops, a spray or digestible pastilles.

LONGER TERM STRESS REDUCTION METHODS

MEDITATION

Both Transcendental Meditation (TM) as well as Mindfulness-based-stress-reduction techniques have shown to reduce cortisol levels up to 30%

EXERCISE

Cardiovascular exercise is a vital part of maintaining good health but aerobic exercise specifically, is great for burning up adrenaline, and it also reduces cortisol levels. Regular aerobic exercise for 20-30 minutes will do the trick.

MASSAGE

Regular massage has also shown to reduce cortisol levels as well as increasing oxytocin, one of our good feeling hormones.

SUPPLEMENTATION

Taking an adrenal support in the form of a supplement can reduce an overactive adrenal system that has become fatigued. Various herbs with adaptogenic properties for helping you to be more resilient to the effects of stress include: Rhodiola rosea; Wythania somnifera – also known as Ashwagandha root extract; Ginseng; Tulsi – also known as holy basil; Astragalis root; and Licorise root. Your local health food shop should be able to supply you with the above.

FOOD TO REDUCE ANXIETY INCLUDE:

• Brazil Nuts – high in selenium necessary for a balanced mood
• Fatty fish – high in omega 3 which is important for cognitive function; and vitamin D which is also important for mood
• Eggs – contain tryptophan, an amino acid that creates serotonin (a good feeling hormone); and vitamin D again for balancing the mood
• Pumpkin seeds – high in potassium which reduces anxiety; high in zinc, essential for the part of the brain involved in regulating emotions
• Bananas – high in potassium which reduces anxiety
• Dark chocolate – high in tryptophan for creating serotonin; magnesium which is a muscle relaxant
• Tumeric – the active ingredient curcumin reduces inflammation causing anxiety

A DEEPER FUNDAMENTAL CAUSE THAT CREATES STRESS

APPEASING OTHERS

Always trying to please everybody else, often results in saying yes when you really want to say no. If you are feeling at the beckon call of everybody around you, chances are that you have trained them to call on you by always being available, and dropping everything to meet their needs. Its admirable to be helpful and reliable but not when it comes to your own demise.

When people are used to you always saying yes, they begin to expect it, and so there can be a great deal of resistance from them if you suddenly decide to say no. The unseen pressure that you may feel as a result of other peoples expectations of you, can lead to feelings of resentment towards them and towards yourself for allowing yourself to be taken for granted in the first place.

Feeling resentment is fine if it leads you to identify the root cause and make the necessary changes to transform your situation, but resentment left for too long, can fester and cause further anxiety and ill health. The pathway forward towards health, is to learn to say no despite the potential kickback from others, thereby dissolving any resentment you may have directed towards yourself or them, and also to retrain the people around you, thereby releasing yourself from their expectations.

It will most likely not feel natural for you to say no if you are in a habitual pattern of people pleasing, in fact it will probably feel utterly wrong, which may result in feelings of guilt. Still, the pathway forward towards health is to say no anyway.

DIGGING EVEN DEEPER

The even deeper question asks: “Why do you feel the need to appease everybody?” or rephrased “What are you gaining by appeasing everybody?”

The answer may be along the lines of: To feel accepted, To feel liked, To feel loved, To feel valued, To feel respected, To feel important, To feel needed, To feel worthy, and whatever the answer may be for you…it indicates the honest truth about what you feel you are lacking in the first place (which by the way….you are NOT lacking, but if you believe that you are, it will feel like a very real deficit for you).

So when you’ve identified the causal root of what you feel is your personal deficit, that then causes you to say yes to everyone and everything around you, that then causes you to put yourself under enormous pressure, that then causes the very stress that makes you feel like a victim… you have found the way out of the pattern of stress, all that needs to be done is to reverse the pattern….easier said than done if you’ve spent a lifetime constructing it.

Finding your way back home to yourself again is the next stage in this complex journey of un-ravelling. If you feel this pertains to you, it may be helpful to find someone to assist you in navigating your way through this process, such as a life coach, spiritual mentor or intuitive healer. After all is done, true healing is the realization that there was never anything to heal in the first place.

Wishing you insight, courage, strength, freedom and peace

Written by Chrissy Diamond

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As the daylight hours decrease in the southern hemisphere, and the temperatures start to reduce, it’s a good time to tune in to your body and make a few adjustments to support your immune system.

Here are a few immunity boosters to implement as the seasons change, in order to resource yourself for the coming winter months.

DETOXING

Autumn and Spring are the best times of year to detox the body, allowing you to adjust, physically, mentally and emotionally to the changing seasons. There are a range of detox kits available for purchase but I prefer to go directly to mother nature and detox both through elimination as well as nourishment from the wonderful food sources available to us.

A traditional detox usually involves fasting, (essentially talking liquid but no food), but this is not advised if you’re still maintaining your normal schedule without being able to rest as your body demands e.g. by taking naps if you’re feeling fatigued (not a popular practice if you’re working).

A great alternative to fasting while still cleansing/detoxing your body is through ingesting pureed foods instead of solids.

NOURISHING DURING A DETOX

Smoothies, and Soups (which are warm and nourishing as the days begin to cool down) still provide nourishment to sustain you while also giving your body a break from spending energy digesting your food. When the body doesn’t have to digest food, it has more energy to boost stem cell regeneration and tissue repair, supporting the immune system.

Drinking a potassium broth (made from vegetable peelings) improves blood pressure, cardiovascular health, bone and muscle strength, while also providing essential vitamins and minerals. It is also a strong alkalizer (which our body loves, as opposed to our typically acidic state), it assists with detoxification, hydration, flushes the kidneys thereby reducing water retention, and helps to get the bowels moving.

A great by-product of cleansing/detoxing is weight loss, as apart from the sheer lack of solid food (which is not sustainable, and not intended to be), the metabolism gets a healthy boost because of the improved cellular functioning. (Not advised if you have diabetes!)

ELIMINATING DURING A DETOX

Yes, detoxing involves elimination but what you choose to eliminate is entirely up to you. Obviously for the greatest noticeable benefit, full elimination of meat, caffeine, dairy, wheat and gluten products, processed foods, sugar, alcohol, drugs, and tobacco is recommended.

However, what we consume is often driven by emotional states that we want to soothe, so, when we eliminate whatever we’re consuming to soothe our emotions, we expose our own emotional driver, which typically doesn’t feel good. This can expose feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, and general irritability and as our body starts throwing out excess toxins that have been stored in the liver. We can also experience physical discomfort when detoxing such as skin eruptions, head and body aches and pains, stiff joints, uncomfortable bowel movements and stomach cramps.

ITS OKAY…all of these uncomfortable physical and emotional symptoms will pass, and once they do, your cells will be humming a happy tune and doing a little happy dance as your energy increases!

IMMUNE BOOSTERS

Probiotics: Probiotics help to increase your friendly gut bacteria which act as messengers to activate your immune system and also assist in boosting your mood.

Vitamin C: Vitamin C is a vital antioxidant that has a large protective effect within the body by stopping the cellular damage created by free radicals. It also regenerates cell membranes, that includes skin, muscle, bone, and brain cells so it has a big role in healing. Vitamin C also assists in the absorption of Iron which is also extremely important when it comes to a healthy immune response. Remember that the body cannot produce or store vitamin C so we need to consume it regularly.

The best dietary sources of vitamin C are found in fruits and vegetables such as citrus fruits (orange and grapefruit), kiwifruit, mango, papaya, pineapple, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and cranberries, watermelon, broccoli, brussels sprouts, and cauliflower, green and red peppers, spinach, cabbage, turnip greens, and other leafy greens, sweet and white potatoes, tomatoes and tomato juice.

IRON: Iron is necessary for the production of immune cells and white blood cells and an iron deficiency can result in having an inadequate immune response. Too much Iron however can inhibit the immune response so a balance is necessary. Symptoms of Iron deficiency include: cold hands and feet, recurrent anxiety, fatigue and tiredness, recurrent infections or infections that do not improve.

Dietary sources of Iron include: eggs (especially egg yolks), liver, lean red meat (especially beef), oysters, poultry, dark red meat, salmon, tuna, whole grains such as brown rice, oats, millet and wheat, beans and lentils (including dried legumes), tofu, baked potatoes, cashews, almonds, brazil nuts, dark green leafy vegetables such as spinach, kale, broccoli and asparagus, dried fruits such as prunes, apricots and raisins, fortified breakfast cereals, whole-grain and enriched breads.

Vitamin D: As the sunlight hours in New Zealand diminish, so does your source of vitamin D which is a major driver of your immune system. Yes, you can get vitamin D via animal products such as oily fish like tuna, salmon, sardines, or herring; beef liver; cheese; and egg yolks but vegetable sources of vitamin D are limited to mainly mushrooms, and avocados which boost the absorption of vitamin D. So, for vegetarians and vegans it’s vital to have some food sources that are fortified with vitamin D such as some dairy products, juices and soy milk, soy beans and oats.

The best way for the body to synthesise vitamin D is via sun exposure on the skin so taking a vitamin D supplement during winter is a good way to support your immune system.

Zinc: Zinc is required for multiple functions of immunity including the development and functioning of cells that fight infections and clean up metabolic wastes but also by keeping the cellular functioning of the immune system in balance including the inflammatory process. Dietary sources of zinc include: meat, shellfish, legumes, seeds, nuts, dairy, eggs and whole grains.

Lysine: Lysine is an essential amino acid for building proteins. It assists in the absorption of minerals as well as strengthening cell walls by increasing collagen links and therefore reducing the cellular invasion of bacteria and viruses. Lysine also slows the growth of viruses (specifically herpes) so lysine can assist with the prevention and healing of cold sores.

Dietary sources of lysine include: high-protein foods such as eggs, meat (specifically red meat, lamb, pork, and poultry), soy, beans and peas, cheese (particularly Parmesan), and certain fish (such as cod and sardines).

ANTIVIRALS AND ANTIBACTERIALS

Raw Garlic: Raw Garlic has proven to be an effective killer of bacteria and viruses since ancient times due to its active ingredient allicin. Cooking garlic, destroys the allicin so it needs to be consumed in its raw form to prevent or fight infections. Raw garlic, however, is not pleasant to taste so a suggested method of consumption is to drink a solution of one or more crushed garlic cloves stirred into one third of a cup of water.

Olive Leaf: Olive leaf extract has been shown in extensive studies to improve immune function as well as providing antioxidant protection. The incredible germ-killing powers of olive leaf extract include: destruction of viruses‚ fungi‚ bacteria‚ and disease-causing parasites by stopping the invaders’ ability to reproduce. It does all of this while not harming the “good bacteria” that your body needs for a strong immune response.

Echinacea: Echinacea extract boosts the immune system by increasing the number of white blood cells responsible to fight infections. It also has powerful antioxidant properties thereby eliminating free radicals that cause cellular damage. Just a note of warning, echinacea may cause side effects, the most common being an upset stomach. If you have an allergy to plants in the daisy family such as chrysanthemums and marigolds, you may be at higher risk of having a reaction to echinacea so it may be best to avoid it.

SLEEP

Let’s not underestimate the importance of sleep for the optimal functioning of your immune system.

When the body is well rested, it can restore its natural homeostatic mechanisms that allow it to be in the best position to fight viruses and bacteria. The key here is “listening” to your body and following its commands….and NO you’re not being lazy by resting when you feel tiredness or fatigue that is out of the ordinary for you.

YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO REST AND RESTORE!

Wishing you an abundance of health and vitality this season wherever you are.

Written By: Chrissy Diamond

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NAVIGATING FROM SELF DOUBT TO SUCCESS

Throughout our life, we’re presented with multiple opportunities to doubt ourselves. Our past failures, comparison with others, external obstacles or challenges can all lead to a feeling of overwhelm. This can derail our best intentions to achieve our goals. Life also presents us with numerous opportunities to succeed and our success depends on which internal voices we’re listening to.

Attempting to navigate our way to success from a place of self-doubt, is doomed for defeat. Self-doubt is like a rug that we place all of our intentions on top of. Often, just when we’re on the verge of succeeding, our self-doubt will rip that rug out from underneath us. Everything that we dearly desire then tumbles down and we find ourselves powerless and pity-full.

So how do we stop sabotaging our success and dooming ourselves for defeat?

Let me share with you 5 steps that I’ve used to dissolve my own self doubt.

5 STEPS TO DISSOLVING SELF DOUBT

1: DEFINE SUCCESS

What is your definition of success? When you think of someone who has succeeded in your eyes, who do you think of?

In order to succeed, it’s vital to have a positive view of success. Sometimes we can have negative associations to those that we view as successful. For example, we may view them as arrogant, selfish, egocentric or lacking in integrity. If we have associated negative states with achieving success, our best efforts to succeed will be thwarted. This is because they don’t align with our own value system. If this is the case, we need to redefine the meaning of success to ourselves. We can then align with those values, traits, behaviours and states that we like, admire, prefer and desire.

When our definition of success aligns with our value system, our efforts to succeed work for us not against us. We then stack the odds in our own favour. What’s needed is an undivided intention to succeed if we are to experience success.

2: LABEL THE SELF DOUBT: GIVE IT A NAME

This part of the process is fun and may seem a bit silly. However that in itself is an important aspect. We need to have a sense of humour regarding our self-doubt in order to dis-empower it.

Make up a cartoon character name that illustrates the personality of your self-doubt, for example: Miserable Maude; Sinister Stephen.

Imagine what the characters look like in cartoon form and when they speak to you internally, what do they say? For example, if only I was thinner, better looking, funnier, talented, richer, etc. Perhaps they speak directly to you, e.g. You’re a loser, You’re a failure, You’re a disappointment.

I’ve given some fairly obvious examples. However the messages that they give us in the form of our own self-talk can be quite subtle. So we need to be be discerning. If you’re someone who suffers from self doubt, then you’ll likely be familiar with the self talk that derails you.

The most important thing here is to identify these characters as separate from yourself. You may have more than one character that self-doubt features as, it doesn’t matter, just label them all.

3: CATCH THE CHARACTERS IN ACTION

Identify which character is speaking to you when that internal voice of self-doubt shows up. You’ve got to be able to catch them when they’re at work doing their best to sabotage you.

These internal characters are actually just less evolved, un-integrated aspects of ourselves. We adopted these ways of being through beliefs, assumptions or decisions that we made to protect ourselves. However when they no longer serve us, WE end up serving THEM. These outdated mechanisms of protection then hypnotize us with their self defeating words. We come under the spell of what they’re saying because we have identified with them as who we really are.

YOUR SELF DOUBT IS NOT WHO YOU ARE!!

If you really want to overcome your self-doubt, its important to view these aspects (characters) as separate from yourself. They do NOT represent your innate awesomeness. You’re bigger than them!

4: CALL THEM OUT ON IT

When we identify these characters through the ways that they are speaking to us internally, we need to call them by their name. For example, “Oh it’s you “Sinister Steven” thanks for trying to protect me, but you can have a rest now.

I’m inviting you to acknowledge these negative internal voices, and give them permission to stand down. You can then re-assert your position as being in charge of your own life.

In other words, when self-doubt arises within us, we need to recognize it for what it is and simply say “SO WHAT”. Rather than being obedient to the instruction of self-doubt within us, we can take charge. So what if I have a little self doubt. I’m not going to let it stop me from doing and becoming what I want to be in my life.

5: FOCUS ON YOUR GOAL

The way that we move forward in our lives is much like driving a car. We have to see where we’re going and keep our focus and attention on what is happening in front of us. Sure, sometimes we have to use our rear-vision mirror/camera to reverse. To we can then change direction, but we then re-direct our focus to whats ahead.

Self-doubt is a bit like trying to drive forward while looking in the rear-vision mirror/camera. Instead we are best to focus on where we’re wanting to go and whats in front of us.

Our internal doubts are often anchored in the past and use historic reference points as evidence to prove that we are destined to fail so why even bother trying? Self-doubt is merely a distraction from what what we really want to achieve, attain, experience or become.

So stop allowing yourself to be distracted by those negative voices and re-focus on your goal! What is it that you really want?

If this is where you get stumped because you don’t know or you feel unsure about what you truly desire, let me give you a hint: whatever it is, it will involve joy, excitement, energy, health, love, peace, purpose, meaning, fulfillment, satisfaction, contentment and the resources need to achieve and maintain these states….so focus on attaining these states as your overall goal!!!

NO MORE EXCUSES

Saying “SO WHAT” to self-doubt is about not giving yourself an excuse to live a life of limitations, because most of the limitations that life actually presents to you are determined by you.

Yes, you may have experienced challenges, obstacles, traumas and hurts that have left scars both seen and unseen, and maybe you’re still healing from these. So take the time that you need to heal, gather around you the people and practices that support you and then redefine yourself and how you’d like the rest of your life to be.

Its up to you if you allow yourself to be defined by the doubt that erodes the self, or create a new definition for yourself, one that involves succeeding in whatever you set your intention to be, the power is yours!

All the best

Written By: Chrissy Diamond

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YOUR BODY IS TALKING TO YOU. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S SAYING?

From time to time, we all experience physical symptoms. They can cause discomfort, pain, and distress.

When something feels out of the ordinary, we might ignore it. We hope it will go away on its own. Or we might self-diagnose online. That can provoke fear and worry.

We could also seek diagnosis and treatment from health professionals. Yet there is another tool we often overlook. It is the wisdom of our own body.

Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine, said: “Natural forces within us are the true healers of disease.”
Edward Bach, founder of Bach Flower Remedies, said: “Disease is the result of conflict between Soul and Mind.”
He also said it needs spiritual and mental effort.

If we communicate with our bodies early, we rely less on external feedback. When we interpret the messages, we become experts in ourselves.

In Michael Brown’s Alchemy of the Heart, he offers a poetic reminder.
“We are trying to feel better.”
“We are being asked to get better at feeling.”

I have long followed the teachings of Louise Hay. She healed herself from cancer.
She later wrote the bestseller You Can Heal Your Life.

In her work, Louise explores thoughts, beliefs, and emotional health. She describes how inner patterns can show up in the physical body. She also shares affirmations as possible antidotes.

Her lists introduced me to mind-body maps. They also taught me how to read symbolic messages.

This guide does not dismiss physical causes. Nor does not replace medical or complementary care. It does however offer a holistic lens alongside the physical one.

It includes metaphysical aspects of symptoms that can include psychological, emotional, and energetic components.
If your symptoms do persist, you’re encouraged to seek professional advice.

Mind Body Maps

When a symptom appears in your body, start with its location. Location can help you discern your body’s message.

Different body areas carry symbolic meaning. That symbolism can act as a guide. It can help you explore emotional, psychological, and energetic influences. These influences may have contributed to the physical condition you’re experiencing. This awareness can help you make adjustments and restore balance.

This guide is not intended to be prescriptive. I encourage you to keep an open mind and notice what resonates. Pay attention to what “lands” for you personally. Disregard anything that does not fit.

These mind-body maps have supported my healing over time. They have helped me resolve a range of symptoms. These included benign nodules, joint pain, and eczema. They also supported digestive healing and vision changes.

I share these insights as signposts. They are offered to guide you toward your innate healing intelligence.

THE RIGHT SIDE

The right side of the body represents your yang energy, or doing energy. It is your animus, your animating force, and your masculine side. It also reflects your giving energy and your relationships with males. Your right side reflects how you interact with the world and how your environment affects you. It symbolises your conscious mind and often relates to the future.

When a symptom appears on the right side, you may feel hindered in moving forward in some area of life. You may be holding yourself back through internal fear linked to the future, or to something in your present environment. It may also reflect challenges in relationships involving males. If your symptom is on the right, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE LEFT SIDE

The left side of the body represents your yin energy, or non-doing energy. It is your anima, your feminine side, and your intuition. It relates to receiving and surrendering, and it also reflects your relationships with females. Your left side speaks to the subconscious mind and the parts of yourself you may prefer to keep hidden. It is also strongly linked to the past.

When a symptom appears on the left side, it may reflect past experiences and deep, unacknowledged emotions. It can also point to your ability and willingness to receive and surrender. It may also reflect challenges in relationships involving females. If your symptom is on the left, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE FRONT

The front of the body represents what you show to the world. It reflects your public persona and the way you present yourself outwardly. The front can also relate to the future and what you are moving toward. It speaks to the conscious mind, and to what you are aware of or can “see” ahead.

When a symptom appears on the front of your body, it may reflect an imbalance between your public self and your private self. It may also point to an unwillingness, or a quiet trepidation, about moving forward into the future. If your symptom is affecting the front, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE BACK

The back of the body represents what is private and less visible to others. It often reflects the past and what you are moving away from. The back can relate to the subconscious mind and aspects of self that are ignored, hidden, or not yet discovered.

When a symptom appears on the back of your body, it may reflect something in your hidden self that you would rather not acknowledge or deal with. It may also suggest feeling held back by unresolved emotions, experiences, or memories from the past that have been carried in the body. If your symptom is affecting the back, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE LEGS

The legs take you forward in life. They also represent standing in your own strength. They can reflect both your past and your future.

When symptoms appear in the legs, it can indicate feeling stuck in the past or fearful of moving forward. It can also reflect a sense that it’s hard to stand in your own strength. If your symptom is affecting your legs, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE ARMS AND HANDS

The arms represent what you are holding, what you have a grip on, and what you feel you can control. The arms and hands also represent giving and receiving.

When symptoms appear in the arms or hands, it may reflect an inability or unwillingness to let go. It can also reflect an inability, or fear, about taking hold of something in your life. It may point to difficulty giving, or difficulty receiving. It can also suggest areas where you feel called to take control, or where you are invited to surrender. If your symptom is affecting your arms or hands, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE EYES

The eyes represent what you understand and what you can foresee. They reflect what you perceive within yourself and in the world around you. The eyes shape your perspective and your focus in the present and the future.

When symptoms affect the eyes, there may be something you do not want to see or acknowledge. You may also be pained by what you do see, or have seen. It can also reflect being overly focused on the future or stuck in a narrow perspective. If your symptom is affecting your eyes, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE EARS

The ears represent what you hear within yourself and in your environment. They can also reflect what you know, or what you do not want to know.

When symptoms affect the ears, it may reflect something you don’t want to hear. It may also reflect an inability, or unwillingness, to truly listen. If your symptom is affecting your ears, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE THROAT

The throat represents what you need to express, literally or creatively. It symbolises soul expression and reflects your power to speak your truth. It also reflects how you communicate with the world around you. Because the throat takes in food and air, it can also symbolise what we “take in” or swallow emotionally.

When symptoms affect the throat, it may reflect what is not being expressed or said. It may also point to a lack of confidence in speaking your truth. It can also reflect misuse of words, including gossiping or lying. If your symptom is affecting your throat, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE LUNGS

The lungs represent your ability to take in life and be inspired. They reflect your openness to new ideas and clarity of thought. They also relate to receiving energy in all its forms.

When symptoms affect the lungs, it can reflect grief, sadness, or depression. It may reflect holding onto pain, like holding the breath, rather than letting go. It can also reflect fear or trepidation. If your symptom is affecting your lungs, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE HEART

The heart is like a knot that binds your energy systems together. It represents the centre of love, security, and connection. It also relates to passion for life and connection to the world around you. The heart can also link to purpose, meaning, and what you give through your contribution.

When symptoms affect the heart, it may reflect reduced joy or fear of being alone. It can reflect disconnection and a lack of purpose or meaning. It may also reflect difficulty loving yourself, which can project as resentment or self-pity. If your symptom is affecting your heart, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE DIGESTIVE SYSTEM

(Stomach, small intestine, and large intestine)

The digestive system helps you “digest” and assimilate your experiences. It supports drawing nourishment from life, so your whole system can be fed.

When symptoms affect digestion, it may reflect difficulty processing what you’ve experienced. It may also reflect fear or a deep gut sense that something is out of balance. If your symptom is affecting your digestion, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE URINARY SYSTEM

The urinary system represents your ability to eliminate toxicity. It reflects releasing what you have processed and no longer need. It can relate to clearing what does not belong.

When symptoms affect the urinary system, it may reflect difficulty processing negative emotions or trauma. It may also reflect inefficiency in releasing what has been held. If your symptom is affecting your urinary system, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE LIVER

The liver represents the storehouse of life force energy. It also reflects restoration and replenishment.

When symptoms affect the liver, it may reflect stored negative emotions that deplete energy. This energetic “fermentation” can create anger, resentment, and irritability. If your symptom is affecting your liver, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE SPLEEN

The spleen represents joy of living and passion for life. It also relates to absorbing nourishment from emotional experiences. It can reflect how you digest information and thoughts.

When symptoms affect the spleen, it can reflect obsessiveness and mental overactivity. It may also be linked with instability, low mood, or depression. It can reflect difficulty processing thoughts and emotions. It may also reflect reduced capacity to receive emotional nourishment. If your symptom is affecting your spleen, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM

The reproductive system represents self-identity, creativity, and pleasure. It can reflect how you relate to yourself in relation to others. It also reflects security, survival, and vulnerability.

When symptoms affect the reproductive system, it may reflect insecurity or fear. It can also indicate a perceived threat to your sense of survival. It may reflect distortions in self-identity that block creativity. It may also highlight difficulty receiving pleasure. That can sometimes show up as self-punishment or guilt. If your symptom is affecting your reproductive system, ask yourself: Does anything here specifically resonate with me?

WHAT’S THE ANTIDOTE

After identifying the location of your symptom and its possible metaphysical themes, awareness alone can sometimes create change. At other times, it can help to unpack your insights with a qualified therapist, especially when there is an emotional component. Further support may still be needed, including guidance from a health practitioner. That may involve supplements or medication, if required. It may also involve dietary changes or a new physical regimen.

Sometimes the antidote is reducing stress or leaving a negative relationship. Sometimes it’s learning new ways to express what you’re holding inside. It can be building in relaxation or meditation, reducing screen time, or spending more time in nature. Emotional tools can also be part of the antidote, especially when trauma is involved. Learning how to release fear, anger, grief, or shame can restore emotional balance. From that balance, natural states of healing, love, peace, and joy can emerge.

All the best with your health and wellness

Chrissy Diamond

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The Flaw with the Law of Attraction. At the beginning of each new year we often resolve to change aspects about ourselves that we’d like to improve. All too often, as soon as we slip back into our routines, those annoying old habits resurface again. I recently read a gem of a book called “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” written by Dr Joe Dispenza. The book discusses the neurophysiology associated with those outdated habits/patterns that we want to change. It also gives a very specific guide to actually creating the changes that we dearly want. Part of this guide highlights an important aspect of the LAW OF ATTRACTION that is often overlooked.

Firstly, let me explain the basic premise of the law of attraction. This law essentially states that whatever we think, feel and do, subconsciously, creates what we experience in life.

DR JOE DISPENZA

According to findings in neuroscience, our subconscious mind controls 95% of our thoughts, feelings and actions. Dr Dispenza explains that only 5% of these behaviours are controlled by our conscious mind. This means that most of us are thinking, feeling and acting out of subconscious patterns that we aren’t aware of.

These subconscious patterns are formed from historical experiences that have become embedded within us. They become embedded through memories that we’ve played over and over in our minds. This repetition creates automatic responses in our minds and bodies, that we are no longer aware of.

SUBCONSCIOUS PATTERNS

These automatic responses have several components:

Thought processes: judgements, assumptions and decisions we made about ourselves and our environment.

Feelings/Emotions: a felt emotion triggered by the thoughts e.g. fear, grief, anger, shame.

Physical response: biochemical changes resulting in a variety of physical reactions. E.g. contracted muscles causing tension/pain, sleeplessness, anxiety, nausea, digestive issues, lowered immune system leading to physical illnesses etc.

Behavioural response: E.g. over-drinking, over-eating, drug-dependencies, violence, reclusiveness, overspending, irresponsibility, self-pity, OCD. Or snapping at partner/kids, being overly critical, competitive, controlling – etc.

AUTOMATIC RESPONSES

These thoughts, feelings and physical responses have been so well memorised by us, that they then become subconscious. An example of this given by Dr Dispenza is getting into your car and driving from “A to B”. Upon arriving at “B”, you have no recollection of the journey. You’ve taken the journey so many times before you no longer have to think about it. It is now simply an automatic/subconscious memorised behaviour.

So, as Dr Dispenza instructs: we can create our experiences by default, assuming a powerless state of ignorance about our own negative patterns. In doing so, let our subconscious automatic thoughts, feelings and actions run the show, resulting in a haphazard, luck of the draw kind of life. Or we can  create our thoughts, feelings and experiences consciously and deliberately. This is achieved by accessing our mysterious subconscious mind and changing our negative internalised programs to ones that serve us. This uses the law of attraction to our benefit.

CREATE DELIBERATELY OR BY DEFAULT

Coming back to Holistic Alignment’s musings about THE FLAW WITH THE LAW OF ATTRACTION

(Well it’s actually a flaw with a misperception regarding the Law of Attraction).

Many readings and teachings on the Law of attraction emphasise focusing our thoughts, words, feelings and behaviours on the positive e.g. what we DO want. However is fails to acknowledge the negative, what we  DON’T want to create.

THE FLAW with this perception is that it can disguise the problem with false positivity. Colouring everything positive is not only inauthentic, it also ignores and distracts us from the very thing that we want to change. This makes the problem less conscious to us which is exactly what allows it to continue.

I was surprised to read Dr Dispenza’s instruction for changing our habitual patterns begins by identifying and memorising what the individual DOES NOT WANT! This vital step is often omitted from teachings on the LAW OF ATTRACTION.

ALERTING THE CONSCIOUS MIND

It dawned on me that the reason for identifying and memorizing the negative state is for the purpose of alerting the CONSCIOUS MIND. The subconscious mind needs the CONSCIOUS MIND to wake it up from its trance-like slumber of automatic thoughts, feelings and behaviors. They’re automatic because we don’t realize what we’re doing until we’re already acting out the same old pattern. Just like the example of the journey of driving from “A to B”, this is why the negative pattern cannot be bypassed by the conscious mind.

GIVING YOURSELF AN UPDATE

This bypassing of the conscious mind is why, despite focusing on positively framed thoughts, beliefs, intentions etc…it’s still easy to get tripped up by that old bad habit. Before you know it, self doubt creeps back in and it feels so impossible to change. It feels easier to just identify with that limited older version of ourselves as who we really are. What we fail to recognise, is that limited version of ourselves is just an older generation model of us. That model is based upon old neural networks that we keep acting out time and time again despite our best of intentions to be different. If any of this is sounding familiar to you, then perhaps it’s time to give yourself an update.

So, speaking from personal application of Dr Dispenza’s teachings, by identifying and memorizing the negative thing that I want to change, I can bring it into my conscious mind. Then, it takes a good level of self-honestly to acknowledge all of the ways those negative patterns play out.

An example could be:

Thought: No one understands me

Feeling: fear, anger or sadness

Physical response: breathlessness, abdominal tension, feeling tired and lackluster

Behaviour: Sighing, speaking sharply or rudely, isolating self by either pushing people away with abrasiveness or retreating and sulking, being overly controlling, critical or judging of others, crying, numbing the feelings through drinking alcohol or overeating

CHANGING THE PATTERN

By memorising those various negative patterns, whatever they may be for you, You can catch yourself the very moment you start thinking, feeling, or behaving in any of those familiar old ways. In doing so, you interrupt your own automatic behaviour. Once the pattern is interrupted, you can then employ the change techniques taught by Dr Dispenza.

Repeating this process through moment to moment awareness, has allowed me to begin to disrupt those old automatic habits. I can then activate the memorised thoughts, feelings, physical responses and behaviours that I WANT to experience. I am now observing this process play out in real time, having deliberate experiences that are allowing me to emerge into a better version of myself.

HOPE

When all else fails, including us, and we fail despite the best of our intentions, hope can be a sustaining force. Hope gives us the ability to try again and again…and again,  to be the best version of ourselves in any given moment, and why settle for anything less?

Tomorrow is a new day and we’ve just started a new year so wishing you all the very best for becoming all that you can be in 2019!

CHRISSY DIAMOND

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